About 2 1/2 years ago I met someone who made a huge impact on my life. I met them in person, just to meet them for lunch or dinner. I never thought that we would ever be more than acquaintances and we never were. When I came home I realized that I had strong feelings for them. I got scared, anxious and desperate in fear of losing them. Later I realized that we get that fear when someone has hurt us and we love them. It is as though we lose a part of our self. In fact, I felt that way with my ex husband during the separation and divorce, because I feared him.
In my desperate attempt to express my feelings for him, I probably messed up and really freaked him out. These feelings were strong, I really felt that I loved him and he had to know. I think it was too much for him. Keep in mind, we never even held hands or even talked hardly at all.
It was too much, me expressing the way I feel and I think I eventually angered him. He wrote me the most hurtful letter that broke my heart. Immediately I forgave him, because I knew I had to be that way and that I was probably coming on too strong.
However, after that he never acknowledged me and because I wanted his forgiveness, I kept contacting him and I was hurt even more. Whenever I would read something he wrote on line, I felt those feelings but the hurt was still there. This went on for over a year or so.
Finally a few months back, I realized that I had to let go of these crazy feelings and everything about "us" (there never was us though)to feel entirely free. I feel that I had to get even, but never realized that this is what it really was.
It wasn't until I let it all go that I realized that letting go of the entire situation and contacting him that it is what I needed to do all along. I really thought that I forgave him. I was just holding on to someone that really hurt me because I was afraid to lose a part of myself.
Now I can look back and smile, knowing I did what I could to make amends. I let it all go and I can honestly say that I have learned a lot from it.
I am more cautious about my heart and who I give it to. My dad called me gullible when I was a child and I feel that I still may be a little bit :) I just love very passionately, deeply and sincerely but I guess some people can't accept it or maybe they don't know how to.
During this time, I was literally tormented with thoughts and spirits. I know now that there were feelings of bitterness that I just didn't know how to shake. My mind and my whole being was effected. It effected my family and those I love. I got angry and hurt people close to me. It felt as though something deep within me was eating at me. I was tormented...
Forgiveness is like this:
1. Accepting what caused the pain with honesty to yourself.
2. It's ok to feel the pain of the situation. Write or talk about your feelings.
3. You can't get even. Know all the things are the Lord's vengeance.
4. You are forgiving others for yourself. You cannot save them or feel like they will be hurt by you letting them go. (This was my biggest reason for not letting go).
When we realize that we must not only forgive in our heart but that we must let go and chose to not get even, we haven't completely forgiven them. It is not until we let go, that we have really forgiven them.
Judul: There is Freedom in Forgiveness
Rating: 100% based on 99998 ratings. 5 user reviews.
Ditulis Oleh 6:44 PM
Rating: 100% based on 99998 ratings. 5 user reviews.
Ditulis Oleh 6:44 PM
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